


Cemetery

by halo_zero



Category: Silicon Valley (TV)
Genre: Afraid to say I love you, Emotional Sex, Eye Contact, F/M, I Love You, I have no idea what I'm doing, I love Jarrich but I can't write it, Kissing, Outdoor Sex, POV Female Character, Romantic Angst, Saying I love you during sex, Semi-Public Sex, Tears, Woman on Top, afraid of the past, angsty, first time saying I love you, lots and lots of feelings all over the place, lots of eye contact, mention of past trauma but nothing graphic, not knowing how to express your feelings, sex in a cemetery, so many feelings, this guy fucks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-24
Updated: 2020-08-24
Packaged: 2021-03-06 16:07:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,113
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26091601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/halo_zero/pseuds/halo_zero
Summary: This one follows "Sweet and Tender Second Date."Jared has been with her for several blissful months, but today is different.  Something is troubling him.He is dreading revealing his past, and both are afraid to express their true feelings for each other.
Relationships: Jared Dunn/Original Female Character(s)
Kudos: 2





	Cemetery

**Author's Note:**

> I love Jarrich, but I cannot write it, and everyone else is doing a fantastic job of it.
> 
> This story is told from Jared's girlfriend's POV. 
> 
> I have no idea what I'm doing. Thank you. That is all.

The day was breezy and cool, but bright, with a thick carpet of light gray cobblestone clouds covering the sky.

“I’ve never had a picnic in a cemetery before,” Lillian commented, raising her eyebrows and sidling an enigmatic look at Jared. He was sitting with his back against a headstone, elbows resting on his knees. His long legs were bent, and he was wearing a dark pea coat. He looked very handsome, but a tad pensive. The breeze had ruffled his normally flawless hair, and a bit of it had fallen across his forehead.

“I used to spend a lot of time in cemeteries when I was younger,” he mentioned, not looking at her, his head bent forward. He frowned, perhaps realizing how odd that sounded.

“Let’s just say that, back then, peaceful places were hard to find.” He gave a quick nod, smiling dismissively, his lips pressed together.

Lillian nodded, wiping her mouth with her napkin. 

“Jared?”

“Yeah?” He looked restless and less chipper than usual. A furrow was present on his brow that she wasn’t used to seeing. He grooved the smooth grass with one of his heels, leaving a mark.

“I understand.” She reached out and put her hand on his. He looked down at it, then looked up at her and began to brighten, his eyes regaining some of their usual sparkle. 

She looked up at the sky, a breeze moving her wispy tendrils of hair.

“I hope it doesn’t rain.”

“Lilly?”

The use of her nickname warmed her heart. She loved hearing it from him.

“Uh-huh?”

“Can I ask you something?” He looked mildly troubled again.

“Yeah, sure.” Slight worry started to gnaw at her. It had been gnawing at her for a while, but it was only now that she acknowledged it. She knew that something was bothering Jared. Part of her was worried, expecting that he might be considering breaking up with her. The past few months had been wonderful, so much so that a small, horrible part of her had thought to herself, this cannot last. There is no way that I can like someone this much, and start caring about them this much, and feel so happy, without it all falling apart. The center does not hold.

She hated that part of herself.

Jared looked down again. His hands were resting on his bent knees again, fidgety.

“Why do you like me?” His eyes met hers directly, so full of mournful doubt that it almost made her heart melt. She wasn’t used to seeing him looking this sad and uncertain. But as she looked back at him, sitting there so vulnerably, a strange reaction overtook her. Too many emotions had been held back for quite some time, too many words had been buried away out of fear, and out of her own frustratingly crippled eloquence, and they flooded her without warning. She opened her mouth to speak.

“Are you fucking kidding me?”

He blinked with surprise, opening his mouth slightly.

“I should be asking you the exact same thing, Jared.”

“I…” he began, still wearing a shocked expression.

“Look,” Lillian began, feeling a confusing blend of frustration and sympathy. She took a breath.

“Jared, you’re amazing.”

“What?” He was still bewildered.

“You’re fucking amazing. You’re not like anyone I’ve ever known before. You’re like this, this endless fountain of caring, of, of tenderness, of warmth…it’s like, unbelievable.” As she struggled to explain how she felt, the words sounding clumsy to her ears, she saw his expression change, to hesitant joy.  
“You’re so…incredibly, incredibly brilliant, you notice…everything…and you’re so incredibly sensitive, and astute, and considerate…you’re like, the most…selfless person I’ve ever met.”

She looked down, self-conscious again, wanting to shut up but not being able to.

“And…the way you make me feel…” She blushed, hating how vulnerable she sounded.

“When we’re together…you make me feel so special and cared about. And…I can’t even control myself when you’re with…it’s like I don’t even know myself anymore. Or…or I don’t know, maybe, maybe it scares me because maybe that’s who I actually am, the person I am when I’m with you…and maybe I just never saw that clearly until now. I’ve never felt like that with anyone before. I’ve always been…careful. I never liked letting someone have that effect on me, to have so much of an effect on me. And one touch, one look from you…and I’m a hot mess. It’s infuriating, I absolutely can’t stand it, and I absolutely love it.”

She exhaled sharply, despising that she was revealing so much truth, but unable to stop.

Jared’s expression was still bewildered, but significantly less worried now.

“Jesus Christ, I mean how do you think I feel? You’re the only guy I’ve ever been able to talk to. Only you must think I’m just some sort of, of, of (and God how she hated it when she stammered)…sex-starved, pathetic loser who’s just dying for a little intimacy, right? Just another nerdy programmer chick with little-to-no sex experience, or “sexperience” I should say (and here she heard a surprised semi-laugh from him), and yeah, maybe, maybe I am a stereotype, maybe my social skills are lacking, maybe I haven’t thrown my pussy at too many guys, maybe I’ve always hated talking to their self-centered, neurotic asses and dealing with their bullshit, their stupid hang-ups and insecurities, and maybe I felt like it wasn’t always worth it, I don’t know, but it doesn’t mean that I don’t know an amazing fucking guy when I see him.” Here she stopped, almost fuming. Her heart was pounding, her face hot. She felt a jolt of terror as she realized that hot tears were accumulating in her eyes, making her vision wavy.

I am not going to cry, she told herself, willing them away, taking a breath.

“And I know I’m not extraordinary, I could be anyone. I honestly don’t know why you’ve been around this long and why you care about me this much. I’m the lucky one, Jared. I am.”

She took another breath, attempting to compose herself.

“So, yeah…that’s why I like you.”

She looked back at Jared, frowning. She challenged him with her eyes.

He had closed his mouth, and was regarding her simply without saying anything. His eyes looked both angry and vulnerable at the same time.

“What?” She challenged again.

He blinked, then leaned forward to kiss her.

Lillian, surprised, kissed him back, but then pulled away.

“Look,” she started, “You can’t just-“

But he wasn’t listening to her, he was kissing her again, bringing his hand up to the side of her face and gently caressing her hair with his fingers. They kissed that way for a time, and her flare of anger faded, and she put her hands on his shoulders, then wrapped her arms slowly around his neck, loving the feel of his slender yet strong shoulders under his dark jacket. His hand slowly moved down from her face, down her shoulder, then caressed her side, resting on her hip. She was already responding to his touch, and when his hand slowly slipped under her skirt to rest on her upper thigh, she felt a flush of heat all throughout her. 

Jared moved his forearms around her hips, gently pulling her on top of him, still in a sitting position, still kissing her. She was overcome by several conflicting emotions as they kissed, touching each other everywhere. Her true feelings had poured out of her, and she felt confused, and terrified, but she also felt a deep, deep ache inside of her, a yearning that Jared’s touch always seemed to bring out, and then appease. 

He kept his hands on her hips and waist, and as they kissed lengthily, she ran her fingers up to his dark brown hair, caressing the sides of his ears, then brought her mouth to his neck. The sky had brightened a degree, although it was still overcast, and the cool breeze felt pleasing against her face and hair. As she sat straddling him on the soft green grass, she felt his arousal and gently pressed against it, enjoying the sweet feel of him against her. He sighed, his mouth on her neck, and she felt his hand slide under her skirt again, slowly passing between her thighs and sending shivers through her. He shifted slightly, sitting on his knees. The movement brought a sweet stab of sensation.

I’m wearing tights, she thought to herself with disappointment.

Lillian opened her eyes and carefully scanned the horizon as she kissed his neck, looking for people. She didn’t see any, but when she felt Jared’s fingers discreetly beginning to tear a hole through her tights, right where her crotch was, she tensed with apprehension and looked around behind her. 

“There’s no one,” he whispered, his voice deepening, then deftly slid his hand into the small space he had torn, finding the crotch of her underwear and shifting it to the side, uncovering her. She felt his fingers sweetly caress her there for a few moments, and sighed. She lifted her hips slightly, and beneath her skirt, she felt him unbuckling his belt, and pulling himself out, and then he carefully guided her onto him and a moan escaped her lips. He let out a deep sigh, and she nervously looked around again, but closed her eyes when she felt him moving inside of her.

“Jared,” she began to object. His ardor was overwhelming. He looked up at her, his eyes hooded, his face not even attempting to conceal his pleasure. He looked beautiful like this, with no inhibitions, free.

“Someone could see,” she whispered. He kissed the side of her mouth.

“I don’t care,” he whispered back, his lips against her jawline, his voice husky. He remained sitting on his knees, letting out a deep sigh as she moved on him, closing his eyes. Her anxiety slipping away, she surrendered to him, and although she was fully clothed, her skin felt ignited by the electric energy between them. She felt him holding her to him, caressing her back, her arms, neck and hair, and then his hands were on her hips again, bringing her up and down, all the while matching her movements with upward thrusts of his own. He looked at her and his lovely blue eyes had taken on a different look, a look she only saw on him while making love. It was serious, almost angry, with his lower jaw protruding slightly and his brows furrowed. 

As their momentum started to build, Lillian brought her mouth close to his, not kissing him, but enjoying the closeness. His eyes were closed and he was biting his lip now, moving into her much more rapidly, his breathing hard. She kissed him, and he opened his eyes to look at her, their arms around each other. She loved the way he looked at her, his eyes so bright, a burning, wintry blue. Never had another man looked at her so much while making love, and never had she been so receptive to that before. Her hands and arms were holding onto him behind his shoulders, his hair, the back of his neck, almost cradling him against her. 

“Lilly?” he sighed, as he moved in and out of her, increasing in speed, the upward motions more powerful. 

“Yeah?” she moaned softly, loving the wonderful ripples of sweet pleasure he was giving her with each movement.

“I love you,” he breathed, looking directly. 

“What?” She murmured.

“I love you,” he said again.

“Oh God, Jared,” she sighed again, as he continued to thrust, holding her close. Warm shivers spread all through her, weakening her, and she was forgetting herself, forgetting everything but what was between them. She let go of all of her fears.

“I love you, I love you Jared,” she moaned, breathing against him. She looked at him, looked him right in the eyes, completely surrendered.

She heard a breathy, strained whisper coming from his lips, an achingly vulnerable expression in his eyes.

“I love you, I love you, I’m going to come, I’m gonna come-“

She moaned longingly, and closed her eyes, smiling slightly as his body tensed against her, loving the sound of his deep sighs of climax. He rocked upwards against her gently a few times, letting out deep breaths of relief, as she held onto him, enjoying the movement, and then they remained that way for a moment, kissing gently, softly smiling. She felt him softening inside of her, so she moved back slightly so that he could withdraw and cover up. She looked lovingly at him, at his face, so strange and yet so beautiful to her, touching the hair on his temples, gently caressing him. Breathing more slowly, Jared reached to her cheek and jawline, looking so intently up and down her face that she began growing self-conscious again. As they kissed again, she slid off of his lap and sat on the grass, straightening her skirt and underwear.

“Jared,” she mildly scolded, smiling at him sideways.

He tilted his head to the side slightly, saying, “I’m sorry, I just can’t control myself when I’m with you.” Lillian was always so impressed by how quickly he could go from his wild throes of passion to his customary mild-mannered and pleasant demeanor. His eyes glanced towards her skirt and hips, a sorrowful expression in his eyes.

“And I’m so sorry for ripping your nylons.” He reached out and gently stroked her thigh, giving it a little squeeze. But a mischievous brightness touched his expression, remembering the reason for it.

“Why? I’m not.” She met his gaze with a bold look of her own.

“Well, I guess we can think of it as Alexander the Great, cutting through the Gordian knot.” He smiled to himself, casting his eyes to the sky with a little shoulder shrug. “I’ve always wanted to be able to reference that to something in my own life…I never dreamed it would have been this. I mean, wow.” As he smiled with boyish delight, Lillian laughed. She slid up close to his side, and he put his arm around her. Her head resting on his shoulder, she placed her hand on his chest, fingers sliding over the soft sweater under his jacket. He reached up and held her hand, then brought it to his lips and kissed it before letting it return to his chest. 

“Did you mean it?” Lillian asked softly, closing her eyes. “Or were you just getting carried away? I understand if it was just the heat of the moment.”

She opened her eyes to see that Jared’s expression had completely changed. It was alarmingly serious.

“Of course I meant it,” he said. His voice sounded different, it was almost angry, which surprised her. There were a lot of things that surprised her about Jared. There was an edge that rarely showed itself, except for rare flashes like this one.

“I love you Lillian.” He frowned, his voice becoming gentle again, his eyes searching hers. “I would never have said it if I didn’t mean it.”

She reached up to his face again, kissing him. He pulled away and continued to look at her with a guarded expression.

“I meant it too,” she whispered. “I love you Jared…so much.”

His eyes began to soften, losing their doubt and slowly filling with joy. He smiled, and as he turned away, she caught a glimpse of moisture gathering in his eyes, which he seemed embarrassed by. He looked down, frowning and clearing his throat.

“Look,” he began, “I know I can be a bit much sometimes. I talk too much, I’m strange, and…antiquated, I’m emotional…I know this. I know that I can be needy, and off-putting. But it’s who I am. And Lillian…I need to let you know…” he looked over at her, his dark eyebrows arching expressively. She looked back quizzically, sensing the trepidation.

“What is it?”

“I…” Jared hesitated. “There are things…”

He looked down again, exhaling.

“I didn’t come from a good place.” His eyes looked towards hers with a warning look.

“I don’t want to get into the whole story right now. But…I’ve been through some…things. And everything that I’ve been through, however horrible it may have been, well, it’s made me who I am. Which is why I’m grateful. Because now, I know how to survive. And I never lose hope. But…” his eyes darkened again.

“I had to overcome a lot to get where I am now. I had to learn how to manage. And I guess I’m always afraid of slipping, especially around those I love and care about.” He turned to Lillian.

“Lilly, you make me feel so free. You really see me for who I am, and you don’t try to change me, or manipulate me into thinking I should be someone else in order to deserve your affection. You don’t make me feel bad for being the way that I am. You just...accept me. No one in my life has ever cared about me this much before. I got so used to that…that I tried to stop caring too, I guess. And I guess I’ve never had that kind of acceptance from anyone before either.”

She smiled at him, reaching for his hand again.

“Well, why would I want you to be different? I love you the way you are.”

Jared smiled back, his eyes sorrowful.

“But you might change your mind when you realize what I came from. What my life was like.”

“Jared, that won't change the way I feel about you.” She kissed him again, and when she pulled away, he looked comforted.

“Lilly, how dare you say ‘I could be anyone,’ or that you’re not extraordinary? You’re not just ‘anyone,’ Lilly, you’re…magnificent. You are precious to me. I feel like I’m in Heaven…when we’re together…” and here he blushed, looking over at her mischievously.

“You make me feel like fireworks on the Fourth of July. I can’t stop wanting you, wanting to touch you, to please you, to be inside of you. I can’t help myself.”

“That’s how you make me feel.” She said to him quietly.

He looked at her, his eyes searching hers. 

“You make me feel free, Jared. Like myself.” She tilted her face upwards and reached for him again, pulling him into a sweet kiss.

“I love you,” he breathed.

“I love you,” she said, enjoying the thrill the words sent through her.

“Let’s go home.”


End file.
